Redefining

Hi.

How are you?
I’m 45, & sometimes I find myself wondering where I am “on the journey”.

I didn’t take the one-way bus ticket.

I got the kind where you hop on & hop off at your leisure.  I got the one with the “choose your own adventure” setting.

It’s been fascinating & colorful.

AND, sometimes one needs a dose of getting directly and clearly from Point A to Point B.

At times I’ve wondered if I got a bit stuck/lost somewhere (like in juvenile school, or diapers); Or perhaps somewhere monotonous or redundant, like a convenience shop or a domestic terminal.

But, all of these things, flavors, & pit stops make the “whole”, as we know.

We Know, but we can still Feel a bit lost, like perhaps we’re speaking to rainbow chameleons in the desert in a circular, never-ending, cadence; Perhaps at times even driving ourselves a bit mad.  Perhaps feeling we’ve gone from #1 to 14 on the game board, & getting the “gumdrop” card, sending us back to #2.  Perhaps we’ll just eat gumdrops all day until we get the next sign to “nowhere”, I mean “everywhere”, where it all sometimes feels like the same direction.  To go left is right, & perhaps right is left?  Or was that…

So, we sink deeper into our bones, blood, & breath & remember.  We pinch our skin.  We feel & remember our pulse.  We think of our favorite thing, like fresh lime in guacamole, like the sweet smell of Cuban air mixed with coconuts.  We begin to reawaken.  We can taste the salt.  We begin to feel a fresh dose of oxytocin hitting us, surging through us.  We begin to feel alert again, awake, alive.  And, it was so simple.  A minor 2-degree turn.  To the left, or was it the right?  But, in the end, it didn’t matter.  It was just a sign.  She Remembered the picture of the lady dancing, or was it laughing, & it triggered a somatic memory and reflection of her own true soul.  It helped her remember the magic spells she made in her dreams at night.  It made her remember where to ignite the light, to turn it all on.  It made her remember she’d quietly hidden the spark.  Her spark.  In a quiet corner.

It had been there all along, on the journey.  It was just in the top left pocket, or was it the right?  In the end, it didn’t matter, because it held the awe.  It held the sacredness of her life.  And, even if she forgot…even if it got hidden under piles of lint, it was quietly sitting there.  Her power.  It woke her in the morning.  It was her true reflection.

To behold.  To never forget.

Or to forget, & to remember.

But, to activate her as often as she’d like, because why not?!

She is her life.  Her magic.

She is blinding sometimes, when all she wants to do is sleep; & she won’t quit knocking on her door.  But, she could never forget her.  She recommends the sweetest songs, the best destinations, the funniest, most ludicrous concepts.  She is reckless & wild.  She will tango with her in the desert, with the chameleon, behind the towering cactus.  She will have continual reminders of her; tools to keep her on her mind.  She will break meaningless rules to engage with her spirit.  She will ask why.  She will dare.  She will take risks.  She will leave her Cognitive behind at the door.  She will say hello to her bones & breath, because she lives right there.  Right under, & just below.

“Wildness reminds us what it means to be human, what we are connected to rather than what we are separate from.”  – Terry Tempest Williams

“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” – Allen Ginsberg